Zelda Holidays Series
by HyrulesOneHope
Summary: The Zelda Characters undergo many strange activities during famous Holidays from the past year.
1. Episode 1: April Fools Day

**Zelda Holidays: April Fool's Day**

_ Made, written, published, directed, executively directed, and thought of, by Austin Hale_

At long last, a new series of Zelda humors has begun, starting with their holiday moments from the previous year. If only they could "did" something useful in their lives. But what would be a life without a holiday? Holidays are life! That's why they're didding something useful in their lives. Because holidays are fun and useful, therefore, lives would not be complete without holidays. So they're not really doing something useful in their lives, but they're celebrating a holiday which is useful, therefore, they're not doing nothing useful. As for the start, we find Link sneaking into the laboratory near Lake Hylia…

Link: -humming mission impossible as he crawls around a desk to protect himself from being spotted by the scientist- Now… what would be a good prank for my wacky scientist friend… hmmm… I KNOW!! -pulls a phone out of his pocket and calls the professor-

Professor: Hello?

L: Morning. This is Doctor… um… Aikenhead … and I have called to inform you that we have just discovered something amazing!

Professor: (sigh) Jack smack is officially a word now, isn't it?

L: -to himself- Dang it! How'd he know? Wait wait wait, I got one… -to the phone, clears throat- PI IS EXACTLY THREE!!!

P: OH MY GOODNESS I KNEW IT!!

L: Sike! What a dope! -hangs up- HAHAHAHAHA!!

All of a sudden, Link's phone rings…

L: Hello?

Voice on phone: Hello! I run the radio station MASK 104.7. Are you Link?

L: Yes I am.

Voice: Congratulations! You have just won 1 billion rupees!

L: Yeah alright!! Wait… how?

Voice: Well um… -hangs up-

L: What?! Whatever. -phone rings again- Hello?!

Voice: Hi. I run the radio station MA--

L: Nice try. -Link hangs up-

-cut scene to a room in the radio station-

Announcer: Why'd he hang up?! He was about to get a billion rupees!

L: I just had "a idea"! I'm gonna go to the past, and prank everybody!

-inside the temple, after Link put the master sword back-

Rauru: -menacingly- Oh, he's de-evolving again, now's my chance! I'm gonna hate sitting here, waiting for 7 years to go back in time, so I better make it last… -spreads shaving cream on Link's hand, yanks a feather off of a cucoo that appeared from nowhere, and tickles Link's face-

L: -groans- stop it… Zzz Zzz… -his hand smacks his face spreading the cream all over it-

Rauru: AAAHAHAHA!!! April fools!

L: You idiot! I haven't slept for years! Don't wake me up again!

Cut scene to Skull Kid in his… garbage can…

SK: -picks up phone, and dials numbers-

Bazaar Dude: 'Ello, this is the Bizarre Bazaar, how can I help you?

SK: Yeah I'm looking for Dwarf. First name, Ganon.

BD: Yep. One sec. -in background on the phone- Ganon Dwarf? Ganon Dwarf? Hey, is there Ganon Dwarf in here?

Ganondorf: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK _LOWLY_ OF ME!

-everyone laughs-

BD: Hey! Wait a sec… dat's not funny!! Listen to me ya' lousy bum. When I get a hold of ya', you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!

SK: Hahahaha! -SK runs to the Bazaar, and goes inside- HHEEEEEYYY EVERYBODY!

BD: Wait a minute… -looks all evil- I recognize dat voice… IT'S… -gets all friendly like- Skull Kid! Hey there buddy!

SK: Hey! Put 'er there -sticks out his hand-

BD: Alrighty! (shakes hands, except--) BUZZZZ! (yeah, that) AAAAHHHH!!!

SK: Hahaha! April fools! -looks down the long counter with stools on the side and sees Saria sitting-

Saria: Hey, shopkeeper, can I get a beer?

SK: But you don't drink beer!

S: Oh well.

Bazaar Dude: Here ya' go. -slides beer-

S: -slurps it down-

SK: Oooh, I can't watch…

S: -as SK's looking away- hehe… -pulls a ziplock bag of some green beans, potato soup, and moldy cheese out of her purse. She then opens the bag and spills all the ingredients to look like she fake barfed all over the counter, while making puking sounds-

SK: OH MY GOSH!! Saria! Are you ok? Was it the beer?!

Saria: AAHAHAHA!!! April fools!

SK: -starts crying- Don't do that!

-Up at Zelda's Castle-

Zelda: (Playing Smash Bros. Melee) Hey, guards! Bring me a peach please. No pun intended.

Guards: Yes ma'am. Here ya' go.

Peach (from Mario): You idiot! Wrong humor! Besides, she said no pun intended!

G: What's a pun?

-2 hrs later, after Zelda explained what a pun is to the guard-

G: Oooooh… I'll go get your peach!

Z: Thank you… hehehe…

G: Here ya' go your highness.

Z: Thanks, and, can I borrow your sword, I need to slice the peaches with something.

G: Sure, anything for you, your highness. Here ya' go. -hands the sword over-

Z: Then you and I can share a peach pie. I'll be back in a minute!

-1 minute later-

G: La dee da dee da dee da. Life as a guard. Nothing can be much better. -3 kids sneak past him-

-All of a sudden-

Z: AAAAAHHHH!!!

G: -runs into the kitchen- What the—? Your highness! Your thumb! YOU CUT IT OFF!!!

Z: AAAAAHHH!!! GO CALL THE GREAT FAIRY!! CALL 911! DO SOMETHING!

G: OK! I'll be right back! -runs to the phone, picks it up, but there's no connection OH NO!!

Z: -laughing sneakily with an evil face. Oh, and she's holding scissors and part of the phone wire- OOOH! IT STINGS! -she says as she rubs ketchup all over her thumb-

G: The phone's not working! Ok! Don't panic! Stay calm! I know the Heimlich Maneuver! -starts squeezing her like crazy!-

Z: -under breath- stop… stop… it was a joke! -cough cough-

G: YOU WERE FAKING IT?!

Z: Yeah, it was just ketchup and I bent my thumb. See? -she bends her thumb so the top half isn't visible-

G: Whoa! It's sooo simple!

-Meanwhile, at Link's house-

L: This is going to be the best prank… mwuhahahahaha!

-Link calls everybody up, and invites them to a party-

L: Great… my plan is working… now, to empty the pool!

-30 min. later, everyone arrives-

L: AHAHAHAHA!! Oh sorry. Welcome to my party. Feel free to watch TV, eat snacks, and I'll have the pool ready in a moment… HAHAHAHA!! -clears throat-

All: Alright, yes, cool, can we go skinny dipping?

L: But you're not skinny, Rauru!

Rauru: Aawww…

L: I'll be back in a sec… -outside- Ok… all ten hoses are "set-up"… hehehe… HEY YOU GUYS! COME IN THE POOL!! I NEED YOUR HELP FILLING IT UP!!

All: Ok! -once outside, everyone grabs a hose, ready to help fill up-

L: AHAHAHAHA!! Sorry again. The cheese must have got to me again. HAHA--… Ready?

All: Yep!

L: Ok, I'm gonna turn the water on, you guys spray the water in the pool. Make sure it goes INTO the pool! I'll be right back. Oh, and… it might take a while for the water to come out so be patient! -turns the water on-

Rauru: This better not take long.

L: -to himself in the house- all knots are tied… this'll be great… 30 secs left…

All: Link!

L: Be patient! -to himself- 20 secs left… hehehehe…

Ganondorf: Wait a minute… my super sensitive orb on my head has observed a suspiciously weird reverberation coming from the hose… It could be the expanding of the ion cluster of matter, or rubber, which is about to explode making impact to the whole backyard, causing all the water to go everywhere except in the pool… but even if the water didn't go in the pool, the explosion would possibly be strong enough to blast us through the quarter decks of the universe, where we would float in space and die of suffocation. Of course, then we would blame Link for his idiotic actions... hmmm…

L: 3...2...1... -runs outside- APRIL F---

-BOOOMM, WHOOOSSHHH-

-All of a sudden, everybody is soaring through the air from the blast-

Saria: -just for all those slow people, she's being sarcastic- That's just great Link.

All: YEAH!

L: I know, it was great, wasn't it?

Rauru: Looks like we're blasting o—

Z: None o' that! NONE O' THAT!

THE END!!!


	2. Episode 2: Easter

**Zelda Holidays 2 : Easter**

_ Created by Austin Hale_

Yes! My 2nd episode has been completeded! It's another glorious holiday in their favorite season, Spring. This is really going to be a great holiday! Now that they don't have anything useful-- … Oh, I'll just shut up. We begin in Kokiri Forest where all the Zelda Characters await to have their Easter Party. Enjoy…

Ganondorf: Sooo… what are we going to do since we don't have any eggs?

Ruto: Let's use fish!

All: BARF!

Link: Let's use these Deku nuts! But be careful… they're very fragile.

All: Yay! Let's begin the easter hunt!

Kaepora Gaebora: May I join?

L: Yep!

Impa: Whose going to hide the deku nuts?

All: Hmmm…

Saria: Let's let Mido. He's too small to play anyways!

All: YEAH!

Mido: Oh fine. -puts all the nuts in his hat to carry in- Ok. Here I-- WHOOPS! -trips on a branch and drops all the nuts on the ground and they all break- Uh… sorry?

Ganondorf: Foolish mortal! What're we supposed to use now?!

SK: Don't worry! The easter bunny will bring plenty of eggs!

L: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE EASTER BUNNY!

SK: What? It was all a lie?! But it's true! I've seen him! I SWEAR!

L: -ignoring Skullkid- Wait a minute… I know what we can do… -evil grin on his face-

-cut scene to everyone gathered around KG-

L: C'mon Kaepora! Just 10 more! Now 9! Now 8! 7... 6... 5... 6?… 7?!… KG!!

KG: -sounds really constipated- AAARRGGGH!!! Curse these darned eggs! Why do they have to be so big?

Ganon: Here let me help you! -grabs a plunger-

KG: No, no, no, hehe, I'll be fine!

SK: -listening to Sheryl Crow's "Soak up the Sun"- IIIII'm, gonna soak up the suuuuun! I'm gonna da dee da, doo da, dee da daaaaa… I don't have digital! I don't have diddly squat. It's not having what you got, It's gotting what you want! IIII'm, gonna--

Zelda: SHUT UP!!!

SK: I need something to do while KG takes his precious time getting our eggs!

KG: You have no idea how hard this is! OOOooooh!! -KG's really been carrying cartons of eggs into the Kokiri forest- Oooooh, they're so big!

Saria: -sighs- This'll take a couple days. C'MON GUYS! I WANT TO HUNT SOME EGGS!

KG: -sighs- Ok. All done. Now, I'll go hide them since I… well… because I've got better things to do after this anyways.

-20 min. later-

SK: -listening to 'Soak up the sun" again- … To win me some of your love, every time I'm looking down, you're looking up, we turn around. Maybe something's wrong with me that makes you, da dee da dee doo, oh, IIIII'm--

Z: -says in a warning way- I'm gonna hurt you! -shakes fist-

SK: But he's so friggin slow!

KG: I'm back! -huff puff- READY SET GO!

Ruto: About time! -runs to Lake Hylia- Look! An egg in the water! -jumps in the water- Ok… I'm sooo tired, but I can do this… just 30 feet… -10 min. later- Soooo tired… c'mon., don't give up! 20 ft., 18 ft, 17, 16, 15... Oooh. I can't do this… I'm turning back. (read that carefully)

-cut scene to Saria in Kokiri Forest-

S: Stupid KG had to put the eggs up high in the trees! -kicks tree, egg falls out- I got it! I got it! I got it! I-- (SPLAT) … Never mind.

-Zelda and Link in castle-

Z: C'mooon… I know there's one here somewhere… AHA!! There you are!

L: What? Did you find a egg?

Z: No, silly! I found my purse! Tee hee!

L: Oh great… -looks out castle window- HEY LOOK! AN EGG!! IT'S MINE!! -jumps out the window-

Z: -yells out the window- No you idiot! That's Rauru's head!

Rauru -in background- : Get offa me you freak!

L: LINK NEED EGG! MUST HAVE EGG! -jumps on Rauru's back and starts tugging on his head-

-cut scene to Malon searching around Hyrule Field-

Malon: Ok, If I were Kaepora, where would I hide the egg?… wait a sec… I live on a ranch… ranches have chickens… chickens lay eggs, eggs hatch chickens, then those chickens lay eggs hatching those chickens which… oh forget it. Anyways, either one, there's a chicken or an egg on the ranch. I live in the ranch… there's plenty of eggs there… why not just take some from there? Hmmm….

-in the ranch-

SK: -crunch crunch crunch crunch- Yuck! These eggs are nasty!

Malon: -walks into chicken coop- SKULLKID!! YOU ATE THE EGGS?!

SK: -BURP-

M: AAARRGH!! Daddy!

SK: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, here… -barfs the remains of the eggs out- there's your stupid eggs.

M: I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!

-cut scene to Darunia atop the Death Mountain Crater-

Darunia: Here, eggy eggy eggy eggy, here e--, Oh look, I found one! Wait… no it's just a rock. Oh wait, here's one! No, that's a rock too… stupid rocks. Stupid eggs. HEY! AN EGG!

-the yell causes a rock avalanche which smashes the egg. No wait, scratch that, I can do better. The rocks fall from the avalanche and knock the egg over causing it to roll down-

D: COME TO PAPA!! -the egg rolls into a pool of lava nearby- No! Eggy! -sticks face up close to the lava- Where it go? -BOOM!! A big blast of lava shoots up at Darunia's face. After all the lava disappears, his face is all black and burnted looking- Oh great… -coughs black smoke-

-cut scene to Mido in… Kakariko Village with Impa-

Mido: Hmmm… cucoos are here… I wonder what would happen if I made it give me a egg?

Impa: No cheating! Cheating is bad! I've learned from experience. Look at my face!

Mido: Oh, oh crud! Talk about circus ugly! HEY LOOKIT! A egg! -picks up the "a egg" and sticks it in his basket, which has a hole. The egg falls through the hole- Hey look I found another! -falls through the hole again- And another! And another! And another! Boy, this must be my lucky day!

I: Hmmm… I thought I saw a egg fall from the sky and into the well, but it's probably splattered by now. Oh wait, there's one! Up on the house! LOOK!

M: Where? I don't see it! - Impa snatches Mido's egg-

I: Hehehe…

-cut scene to Nabooru and Ganondorf at Gerudo Fortress-

Nabooru: Let's go Ganondorf, we've searched here for hours.

Ganondorf: Wait… I can smell one… it's really close…

N: That's what you said the last 10 times we searched, and you've been looking at the same friggin spot the whole time!

G: And? I know one is here! I KNOW IT!

N: You're never right! Why do you think you've lost to Link all the time?

G: -sighs- I guess you're right. Ok. Let's go.

-Link walks right in front of Ganondorf--

L: Hey look, a egg! -grabs the egg on the ground- Woo hoo! I found two eggs! I hope this egg'll fit in my basket. -shoves egg in basket with Rauru squeezed inside as well- The basket is now bulging-

-cut scene to Kokiri Forest, everyone meets there after the end of the egg hunt-

L: So who found any eggs? I found two. -dumps out basket, egg and Rauru land on ground- HEY! Rauru, what where you doing in--- MY EGG!! WHERE'D IT GO?! DID YOU SIT ON IT?!

Rauru: Um…. Uh…

Saria: Who cares? I didn't find anything.

All (except for Impa and Mido): Me neither.

Mido: I swear I had at least 100 eggs! I bet Impa took them.

Impa: I only have 1! How could have I taken 100 eggs? Idiot.

SK: Hey the Easter Bunny!

Z: Skullkid, how many times must we tell you. There is no such--

SK: THERE HE GOES!! -points to a group of trees, nothing's there-

Saria: (sarcastically) Very funny.

SK: No really! THERE HE IS AGAIN! -points to a large boulder- He just ran away.

Ruto: LIAR!

SK: I am serious! Watch closely… he's as fast as a train… as tall as a monkey, as naked as the eye…

-So they watch…. And watch…. And watch some more… Couple hours later-

SK: … … … You guys scared him away!

-bunny ears pop out from behind a log-

Malon: -gasp- !!! Ea-- Ea-- East-- Bu-- bu-- bun-- LOOK!!!

-they all look at the bunny ears-

All: GASP!

SK: SEE?! I TOLD YOU!!! THE EASTER BUNNY IS REAL!!

-head pops out from the log-

Running man with bunny ears: Easter Bunny? Where?

Z: Skullkid, can I tell you something?

SK: Sure Zelda, anything!

Z: -at Skullkid's ear- IT WAS THE RUNNING MAN!!!

SK: But, but, but, but…. -sob- The.. Easter bunny isn't… isn't weal?

L: You got it.

SK: WAAAAAAH!!!

THE END


	3. Episode 3: Halloween

**Zelda Holidays 3: Halloween**

_ Createded by Austin Hale_

Guess what? I DON'T KNOW! Actually, I forgot. And I've been trying to remember what I forgot, but I can't, 'cause I forgot it. OH YEAH! They finally have something useful to did in their lives: TRICK OR TREATING FOR HALLOWEEN! Not that it's useful but you know what I mean! I'm going to be a Jedi, AND NO ONE CARES! What're you going to be? WHO CARES? What're the Zelda characters going to be? WHO CARES?! I DO!! That's why we're going to find out. We begin at Ganondorf's castle… (finally somewhere else besides Link's house). Enjoy!

Ganondorf: 3... 2... 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Nabooru (now his wife): It's Halloween you idiot.

Ganondorf: Oh sorry. Hey, what're you going to be for Halloween?

Nabooru: Um… Something big, ugly, and evil. Like that ugly green bad guy on that one Zelda game!

G: That's gotta be the stupidest costume! That guy is soooo ugly! Uugh! I'm glad I'm not him! I'm gonna be Spiderman! I'm gonna swing from the sky! Wait… Spiderman always shoots his web strings in the sky to swing. What does it attach to? It can't be street lights, he's too high. Could it be birds?

N: Nah, I don't think so. Probably airplanes, or clouds, or angels or something.

-DING DONG-

G: I'll get it! -opens door-

Kid at door: -wearing a power rangers costume- Trick or treat! Hey, nice costume! It looks so real!

G: What costume? Whatever, here's your stupid candy, get outta here! -throws the candy at him-

Kid: Thanks mister.

G: DON'T THANK THE KING OF EVIL!

-kid runs away-

-DING DONG-

N: Let me get it this time. -opens door- Oh, hey Link.

Skullkid: Shhh, I'm not Link silly goose! It's me!

N: It's you?

SK: NO! It's me!

N: Oh, it is you!

SK: NOT YOU! ME!

N: That's what I said, you.

SK: SHUT UP! I'm Skullkid! I dressed up as Link! Link dressed up as me! Watch. -to Link- HEY LINK!!

L: -from behind a bush- I'm not coming out.

SK: But she's giving out candy! -to Nabooru, whispering- He's a little shy…

L: I HEARD THAT! -pops out from behind the bush, he's wearing nothing except for Skullkid's swim trunks… yep.. The same swim trunks with MM on the butt-

N: AAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

L: It's not funny!

N: I'm so sorry! I should give you two candies for making me laugh so hard!

L: Got any cheese flavored?

N: Sorry. All I have are bags of Cheetos.

L: I'll take that… -takes it- What? No Flamin' Hot Cheetos?

Ganondorf: Get away from here Link!

SK: Let's go Link. We got better things to did.

-they leave, Mido runs up to the door in a Superman outfit-

Mido: TRICK OR TREAT!!

Ganondorf: Hey there Superman! -punches Mido in the stomach, Mido grunts and starts crying- Hmmm… not very super are you? Here you go. -gives him candy-

Mido: Thanks. -sniff- -runs behind a bush, changes costumes into a SubZero costume from Mortal Kombat, then runs back to Ganondorf's house- TRICK OR TREAT!!

G: Hey there, freeze this!! -punches his stomach again, Mido grunts- Oops, sorry. Here ya go -gives him candy-.

Mido: Thanks… -runs to the bush, changes to a Nabooru costume and runs back to their house- TRICK OR TREAT!!

G: Very funny Nabooru.

Nabooru: -the real one in the house- What's funny?

Mido: Yeah, what's funny?

G: What the heck?! Um… I don't know who you are, but I know you're not my wife! Take some candy and get outta here!! -punches him in the stomach-

Nabooru: -goes out to the backyard, accidentally locks herself out and climbs over the fence to the front yard, and knock's on the front door-

G: I thought I told you to go away! -punch her stomach and slams the door-

-Meanwhile-

Zelda: Hmm… I wonder where Link is. He should be coming home soon. Well, I might as well go out and have some fun! -dresses up as the devil and goes to Saria's house- Trick or treat.

S: Um… no one's home!

Z: I SAID TRICK OR TREAT!!

S: Ok, uh… trick.

Z: Just gimme the dang candy.

S: -opens the door- AAAH!! It's the devil! TAKE ALL OF THE CANDY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!

Z: It's me you idiot, the one you have always served in this kingdom.

S: What? I've never worshiped you!

Z: IT'S ME, ZELDA!

S: ZELDA'S THE DEVIL?! AAAAAAAH!! -slams the door and runs away-

Z: Gosh dang it! Stupid costume. -changes into Minnie mouse, runs up to a door- TRICK OR TREAT!

Mickey Mouse: There you are honey! Give me a kiss! -kisses Zelda-

Z: Oh! -slaps him- How dare you! I never liked your cartoons!

Mickey: But Minnie! Oh, we're so through!

Minnie Mouse: Hey Mickey! I'm home!

Mickey: WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE?! I HATE YOU! GET OUT!

-meaner while-

Darunia: -dressed up as donkey kong- Trick or Treat!

Ruto: Hey! Here ya' go! -stuffs fish in his bag-

Darunia: -BARF-

R: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you don't like fish. -takes the fish out and shoves in some lobster-

D: OK, now that's just dumb.

R: Oh shut up! You… ape!

Skullkid: -runs up to Ruto- RUTO!! -breath- I… need help! The -breath- mummies are after me! And the witches, and the ghosts and the--

R: You idiot, there's no such thing as monsters, ghosts, or witches or mummies. They're all fake!

Skullkid: Are you telling me the monsters I just saw aren't real?!

R: Yep.

SK: Oh… ok. Well, I guess I'll see you later. -walks by a dummy scarecrow, except, it's not a dummy-

Scarecrow: BOO!!!

SK and Ruto: AAAAAHHH!!!!

Darunia: Hahahaha! Idiots!

SK: That's not funny!

D: Yes it is!

SK: Well… SO!

D: What a fool! You couldn't scare a fly!

SK: OH REALLY?! -looks at a fly on the wall- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! –fly doesn't move, claps his hands… the fly doesn't even flinch- Um… wait, one sec… Ok… -pounds his fist on the wall, the fly still stays-

D: tsk tsk tsk. Watch and learn short stack. -gets all up close to the fly, and says in a low monotone way- Boo.

Fly: Ayyeeeeeeee! -falls to the ground-

SK: AHHAHAHAHA, hehe… awwww. HEY THERE'S A MUMMY! THERE'S A WITCH!! AAH! A GHOST! LOOK, THERE THEY GO! THERE THEY---

Darunia: Skullkid! There are no such things as— (a gibdo, Koume and Kotake, and Dampe the ghost all appear in front of them)

Ruto: You weren't gonna say monsters, were you?

D: Um.. Hehe, no. I was gonna say… there's no such things as… um… non-monsters! Yeah that's it.

R: Oh OK.

All: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

THE END


	4. Episode 4: Christmas

**Zelda Holidays 4: Christmas**

_ Made by Austin Hale_

We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, and… well forget the new year. FINALLY!! I'm not even going to say anything about didding something useful. Know why? BECAUSE RAURU'S JEWISH! He already haded his Holiday (Hanukkah) and now, we celebrate ours's. We actually begin on April Fool's Day in Saria's's house. She's all alone and on her laptop.

Saria: Ok. Here's a good April Fool's joke. -on the computer- "Dear Skullkid, SANTA'S DEAD!! Love, Saria". Perfect. Now to send… -clicks send-

-8 months later-

SK: -pops out of the ground and yawns- I love hibernation! -looks at calendar- Awww crap, it isn't over! I still have 2 more months! Oh well. Hey lookit! I got mail! -clicks on email, and reads it- Yeah… yea… mm hm… WHAT?! SANTA'S DEAD!! NO!!!! Who's gonna take over for him this year? I know!

-meanwhile-

Saria: -calls Malon- Hey, wanna go to the mall?

Malon: No, I've got homework that'll take me all day.

S: -giggles- Me, too!

M: But I thought you were going to the mall…

S: Go to the mall? Why would I go to the mall if I have all this homework? What the !#$'s your problem? Idiot. -hangs up on her- What a dope! I wonder if SK's got my message yet… hmmm… It's Christmas eve and I haven't gone shopping yet. Well, I better get going--

TV: Attention uh, … people! We have just heard that a robber has robbed the bank! He was wearing a beard and a red suit, but he was very skinny and made of wood. We caught the video on tape:

On the video: SK: Hey! Give me all your money or I'll give you coal for Christmas! That's right, if you don't give santa the money, how's he gonna pay the elves to make the toys? HURRY!! Man: OK! I'm sorry!

Announcer: We have been told he is… running down the street with his bag of toys. If you see this Santa impersonator call… gee what is our number? Um… just call anybody and let them know.

S: Oh no! I'm in deep crap!

-SK comes running in- SK: Hey! Crap comes out your butt, not your mouth!

S: SK?!

SK: -shoves her head on a desk- MAKE TOYS NOW YOU SLAVE! You elves better work double time because Santa's dead and won't have time to---

S: AAAHAHAHAHAHA! You idiot! That was an April Fool's Joke! Not only is Santa not dead, he isn't real!

SK: But… but… but... I've seen his slaves! You're one of them!

S: An elf? I'm a Kokiri you dim-witted… halfwit!

SK: Well, then how come you… you… um, how come you have POINTY EARS?! And you're in green clothes! And I've seen you make wooden sticks and shields for children!

S: ALL KOKIRI WEAR GREEN CLOTHES AND HAVE POINTY EARS! Come to think of it, almost everyone has pointy ears… and I made those toys because they don't have enough money to buy them! I'm a good craftswoman!

SK: Because you're "a elf"! AND THEY CAN FIND MONEY THE HARD WAY, like Link did! IN THE GRASS! Hey look! It's Santa's reindeer! -points to a deer outside-

S: Oh, for heaven's sake, that could be any deer.

-deer winks at SK-

SK: SEE?! IT JUST WINKED AT ME!

Deer: You snitch! -kicks SK with his hind legs-

-later on-

S: -outside on Link's roof- Ok, SK, here's what you need to do. Go down the chimney, and put these presents under Link's Christmas tree as quietly as you can.

SK: HEY! Where'd you get that bag of toys?

S: Over there in that sleigh!

SK: WHOA!! Cool! SANTA IS REAL! I TOLD YOU!! Hey, look at the reindeers! -walks up to Donner- Hey! I remember you!

Donner: -kicks SK again-

Saria: Be quiet! Now go! It's almost midnight!!

SK: Ok! Calm down. -goes down the chimney- hmmm… -cough- it's really dusty in here. What's this? It's as if something huge has been shoved down here!

Santa: -all old- Hello. You don't have any food do you?

SK: AAAAAHH!!!!

Santa: Don't worry! I won't bite! Ho ho ho! Or will I? Ho ho ho! And if I did, it wouldn't hurt. HO HO H- Gee I'm hungry.

SK: Hehe… have you been stuck here all year?

Santa: Yeah.

SK: How did you live?

Santa: I ate all the ashes from Link's fires.

SK: Oh. OK. Well, nice meeting you! -climbs back up the chimney-

Santa: Wait, aren't you gonna help me?

-back at the roof-

Saria: Did you did it?

SK: Well… yes. Yes I did.

S: Good. Now let's head off to Malon's.

-Atop the roof of Lon Lon Ranch-

SK: Ok. Now do you want me to do the same thing?

S: I don't know… -looks at list of bad kids- Give her an egg. She's been half and half.

SK: Ok. -goes down the chimneys- Good, no Santas. I wonder if she left Santa some treats for his hard w— -Looks at table that has a salad on it and a note- "Dear Santa, I think you can stand to lose a few pounds. Be like me, eat fat free! Love Malon". Idiot! -looks at himself- I'm only 80 lbs! -goes back up the chimney- Saria, do I hafta go up and down the chimney? Can't we just like, walk down the street and throw the presents at their door?

S: Fine. If you say so, Santa.

-later on-

SK: Um… I think we're lost.

S: Maybe. Hey, there's a sign! "You… are… here…" Well I guess we're here then! -throws a present at a door and the present shatters- MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

SK: And a Happy New… Ear? No… um, tear? No… clear? Steer? DEER? PEER? BEER? DEER?!

S: You already said deer! Gosh dang it, we're lost again! Let's go home. We'll leave a note to the world saying Santa's on vacation. Santa should get a time to relax too ya' know!

SK: HEY! I got a joke! What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Huh? HUH?!

S: Um… Skullkids?

SK: No silly, baby reindeer!

S: Hmm… wait! That just gave me a great idea… Let's double the elves' worktime, and create billions and billions of presents! They can even make presents that make presents themselves!

Sk: Awesome…

-Christmas Morning-

L: -yawns, and hops out of bed- Hey Zelda, Let's go sing some Christmas carols. C'mon!

Z: Wait! I found this note on our table. Can you read?

L: Let's see… -reads the note- "Gaw (go) taw (to) t-- he… Dee koo tree?

Z: -gasps- Go to the deku tree… FORGET CAROLS! LET'S GO ON A TREASURE HUNT!!

L: Yay!

-at the deku tree, they go inside and find… PRESENTS GALORE!! Presents here, presents there… no wait, not there. Presents hither and thither!-

L: Did you hear what he said? Hither and thither! -gasp-

Z: You fool! Pay attention! There are presents everywhere for everyone! -they keep staring-

-A whole bunch of people rush in the deku tree including Ganon, Nab, Darunia, Malon, Ruto, Mido, etc.-

Z: Hey you guys! FREE PRESENTS!!

L: Yea! Let's take 10 for everyone!

Ganondorf: No, 15!

Malon: No you guys… we're only going to take what we need. STUFF YOUR HOUSES!!!

All: YEA!

-meanwhile-

SK: -singing Like A Stone by Audioslave all happily and sings it really good- I'll wait for you theeerre. Alooooooone, Aloooooooooooone! MAN I HATE THAT SONG!

S: SK, I think we better tell the others not to take so many… presents.

SK: Um… how about no?

S: Let's go SK!

SK: Unh unh! Let's not and say we will. I mean didn't!

S: -sighs- SK, if you do not get a-moving, I'll beat you about your head and shoulders with monotonous regularity!!

SK: … whatever. Hey, Saria, about how big are explosions of a c4?

S: You mean a C4 explosive? I don't know, why?

SK: Well… one of the elves was dumb enough to-

S: GASP! -she says gasp, she doesn't gasp- Don't tell me… a c4 is in one of those presents…

SK: Ok. There isn't a C4 in any of those presents, though I hate to lie to you.

S: AAAAAH!!! WE GOTTA SAVE THEM!!

SK: I'll save them! I'll tell the elves to make more C4's to blow up the other C4's so that there aren't anymore.

S: NO MORE C4'S!! THEY AREN'T TOYS! THEY'RE MILITARY HARDWARE!!

SK: Fine, gosh calm down! Let's go find that bomb!

-back at the deku tree-

L: Wow! This one's shaped like a C4!

Zelda: So is mine! It couldn't really be a C4, could it?

Ganon: Yeah, mine is too!

All: So are ours!

-SK and S pop in-

SK: STOOOOOPP!! One of you have a C4 in your hands… just one and we need to look at the presents!

S: What the—… they all look like C4's! How are we gonna- Skullkid, NO!!!! -she says as Skullkid throws each present on the floor causing it to break and repeatedly saying "nope that's not it"-

SK: -smash- Nope. Not it. -smash- Not it either.

All: SK, Stop! Right n- -BOOM!!-

-a couple minutes later, everyone's black from the explosion-

S: Hey SK, can you come here for a sec? -Skullkid leans over and Saria goes over to his ear as If she was gonna whisper, but shouts:- YOU JUST BLEW UP ALL THE PRESENTS!

L: Not to mention the last of the Great Deku tree too.

All: GASP!

SK: -sniffle- I just wanted… a decent -sniffle- Christmas! Will anyone forgive me? Anyone?

-the camera zooms out… everyone's gone and SK's alone-

SK: -sniffle and then starts singing "Silent Night"- Silent night. -sniffle- holy night. -cough- All is calm. All is -hack hack- bright. –Camera zooms out, it's actually all darkness – WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

THE END


	5. Episode 5: Valentine's Day

**Zelda Holidays 5: Valentine's Day**

_ Made by Austin Hale_

That's right ladies and g--… well, more ladies, it's Zelda, yadda yadda, episode 5. We actually get to watch Link and his "friends" go on a date on Valentine's Day. (To director off stage) Who wrote this crap? Anyways, let's watch and see what they do to screw up their first (cough) and last (cough) date. Excuse me. We begin with Link watching T.V. at his house. Enjoy!

NEWS: (on TV) Later tonight, we're bringing you LIVE to Martin's house to find out why fishing for boots is important to him.

LINK: Oh, what is going on in this world?! I'm sick of this! Where's the remote? (looks around and sees it on the coffee table) Zelda, can you get the remote for me?

ZELDA: It's three feet in front of you! You get it you lazy bum!

LINK: But I can't weach it! … (Zelda gives him "the look") ARGH! Wait… I got an idea! (bangs his fist on one side of the coffee table so the other side's in the air, and the remote slides down to him) All right! (switches it to the cartoons) Yeah!

ZELDA: Link! Turn off the T.V., it's valentine's day! Go outside, or do something other than watch TV all day!

LINK: You sound like my mother!

ZELDA: You never knew your mother!

LINK: (sobby-eyed) … S-ssso…

ZELDA: Go call your friends and go on a group date with everyone else. Have a party!

LINK: But what'll you do?

ZELDA: Oh, I have plans… hehehe…

LINK: Well, ok. (Calls everyone up)

(1 hour later)

LINK: Well. Who should I go with? Zelda's not coming, Nab's with Ganondorf, Malon's with Skullkid, Impa's with Rauru, Saria's with Mido… THAT LEAVES RUTO! Oh shoot… (calls Ruto) Uh… hello? Yeah Ruto it's me. Um… I wanted to know if you would go on a date with me. Oh, no of course it isn't because everyone else is taken, I just… uh-huh… yeah… Ok… see ya there. Bye. WHEW! It went better than I thought! Now… it's off to dinner…

(At McDonalds)

LINK: What the heck?! McDonalds again? That's lame.

RUTO: Link, what took you so long? Everyone else is already inside ordering. Let's go!

(Link and Ruto join the table)

WAITRESS: I know, you want the fish fillet and you want the Big Mac right?

RUTO and LINK: YEP!

LINK: Extra cheese on that please. No pickles. No onions, no tomatoes, no ketchup, no lettuce, and more cheese.

WAITRESS: … So all that's left is the buns, the patty, and the cheese?

LINK: I think that's right. Oh and Ruto, go ahead and Super Size it, I found spare change in the sofa today.

RAURU: (to Impa) I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much ... thanks to the Hyrule Department of Justice.

IMPA: Oh… really… um…

RAURU: Yeah… something tells me you're really special. But with medication, I can usually ignore it.

MIDO: (to Saria) Ya' know, I used to have a real bad bedwetting problem ... but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control.

SARIA: Ewwww! You're disgusting! Learn to grow up Mido or you'll never get married!

RUTO: HAHA! Look at them Link, all pathetic, I'm so glad we can be together.

LINK: Yeah… right. Me and you.

SKULLKID: Um… Malon. I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow five hundred rupees? I really need five hundred rupees.

MALON: What for?

SKULLKID: I need to buy something…

MALON: I'll think about it.

SKULLKID: (sniffle) That always means no…

GANONDORF: So Nabooru… What's your favorite color?

NABOORU: I'm not into small talk. C'mon Ganon. Bring on the big stuff. You're a smart hairy monster! Oh YES! SHOW ME THE LOVE!

GANONDORF: Oh! Just wait 'till my wife hears about this!

NABOORU: Wife?!

GANONDORF: … HAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding honey. I love you! Happy Valentine's day! (Gives her a card)

NABOORU: Oh! It's so cute! (The card has monsters and graffiti and his big dark castle in the background, but in little kid's writing it says:  
"Roses are white, Daisies are purple,  
I love you a lot, because… uh, you're cool!  
I know much about you, I even have a list.  
But if I found out you loved someone else,  
I really would be… ANGRY!  
So HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!"

NABOORU: Awwww!

SKULLKID: Hey, Malon let's play doctor! (Acts like a doctor) that'll be five hundred rupees!

MALON: SKULLKID! I'm not giving you 500 rupees! It's just too much!

SKULLKID: GIVE IT TO ME! I NEED IT NOW!! AAAAARRRGGGGHH!!!

MALON: If you don't shape up, I'm walking out!

LINK: (Walking out of the bathroom) Oh shenanigan! It smells so bad in there, anybody got any of those deodorized air freshener things that you can hang on the wall or whatever?

RAURU: (Pulls them out of his pocket as from nowhere) Lemon or Strawberry?

LINK: Um… both. (Takes both) Hey, why do you carry these around anyways?

RAURU: …….'cause.

(Zelda comes walking in with another man)

LINK: (to himself) Zelda? What's she doing here with another man?!

ZELDA: (To herself, she spins around to hide her face as she sees Link) OH NO! Link… here… why couldn't I see that?! I'm in trouble if he sees me. (To the man) Um… I'm going to be in the bathroom… Be right back.

LINK: Hmmm… she's going into the bathroom. She's trying to hide… well not today! (sneaks into the girl's bathroom) … where is she? Is she… HERE?! (kicks a stall, nobody there) or… HERE?! (Kicks another stall, no one) or… HERE?! (kicks it and the door slams into Zelda's face) Uh… Zelda? …. Oops… (goes back to the table)

RUTO: Link, why'd you come out of the ladies' room?

LINK: Um… there's something I need to tell you.

RUTO: You're a WOMAN?! AAAHHH!!!

LINK: No, Zelda's here! My wife! With a date! ANOTHER MAN!

RUTO: Wait… so you're married… and you're dating me… SO GO KILL THE GUY!

LINK: Right… okay. (sneaks behind the man at the table) All right… I gotcha… BAM!!! (smacks his head with a frying pan. The man falls dead)

ZELDA: (running out of the bathroom) Holy crud LINK!! THAT WAS MY DAD!!

LINK: Oh! Ohhhhh…. Um… hehe… surprise?

ZELDA: Link! No! Why?! I hate you! I wanna divorce!

LINK: No Zelda, it's okay, here's some seeds to grow revive medicine.

SKULLKID: (snort, laugh) Even I'm not that stupid! It's not going to grow revive medicine, it's going to grow rupees! FIVE HUNDRED RUPEES!!

ZELDA: I hate you! (kicks Link)

LINK: OW! That hurted!

ZELDA: Oh my gosh, are you okay?!

LINK: Yeah… yeah, I think I'm fine…

ZELDA: I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to my foot.

LINK: Oh….

SKULLKID: So… wanna make a bet Malon? That Link and Zelda will divorce? How about 500 rupees?!

MALON: What is the matter with you? You… ARGH! Fine, you know what, take your stupid money you selfish… (starts starring at him, he has those big black sad looking eyes)…. You… cute…Oh! I mean, you selfish brat!

SKULLKID: Don't love me! I don't wanna be loved! I don't need friends! I'm good enough!

IMPA: You know what, it's getting late. I think I should be heading home about now…

RAURU: You never had a home…

IMPA: … good point. I gotta go.

RAURU: Why?

IMPA: Um… because, I'm really old and… need sleep.

NABOORU: Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow my green pumpkin.

GANONDORF: You too, my peach blossom.

NABOORU: And you my orange haired lover boy!

GANONDORF: And you, my Gerudo apple pie.

NABOORU: And you my----

ZELDA: Shut up!

MALON: Well… Skullkid. I had a good time tonight. I'd love to see you again in six to eight months with good behavior.

SARIA: So… Mido. Wanna walk me home?

MIDO: ….… how far is it?

ZELDA: Link… goodbye forever.

LINK: What do you mean forever? I could always go back in time and change everything again.

ZELDA: … &( YOU LINK!!! #$ you all the way to $#! for your no good #&!

LINK: Zelda! Watch your mouth!

ZELDA: What? All I said was &#.

LINK: Oh, &#. That's just a whole bunch of numbers and stuff. Okay. Good-bye. See you in -2 yrs.

ZELDA: Will that mean my Dad'll be alive again?

LINK: Uh… no. Once someone dies, they're dead forever… like my heart… (sniff) … Zelda? (looks around, everyone's gone, the lights are out, etc.) Hmmm…. I want 500 rupees… or cheese… or both.

Narraratoror: So… um… yeah. That's it I guess. Oh! (clears throat) WhY dId SkUlLkId NeEd 5o0 rUpEeS sO bAdLy? WhO wAs ZeLdA's DaD? iS tHiS gEtTiNg AnNoYiNg? It is? Why didn't you say so? … loser…

FIN


	6. Episode 6: Thanksgiving

**Zelda Holidays 6 : Thanksgiving **

_Made by Austin Hale_

We meet again, fellow readers of my humors. Though this did take me over 2 months to complete, _at last_, the 6th, _and not last_ I assure you, Holiday humor is completed! That didn't really make sense, but speaking of sense, the town is having a census of who will participate in the Thanksgiving dinner! We begin at Link's house... I know we always do, shut up! Leave me alone... anyway, we have a guest star this humor, and you'll find out who it is. Let's begin!

(Link is watching T.V.)

REGIS: (on T.V.) Ok... for the million dollar question... What is the most itchiest place of the body? Is it A: Your head. B: Your feet. C: Your fingernail. D: Wherever it itches... 

INGO: Um... how about... D. That is my final answer, so don't ask.

REGIS: Um... Let's not count that one... New question: What is the answer: Is it A: b B: d C: c or D: a.

INGO: What was A?

REGIS: A was b.

INGO: Then I'll choose d. 

REGIS: D:a?

INGO: No, not A. D!

REGIS: Make up your mind.

INGO: Ok, then C.

REGIS: C: c?

INGO: No, C: e.

REGIS: You are correct! But the money is mine! Mwuahahahaha!

T.V. broadcaster: After these messages, we'll be right back!

These messages...

T.V. broadcaster: Ok, we're back!

LINK: Hahaha! This guy is great. I'd hate to be that contestant.

ZELDA: Link, are you ready to go?

LINK: Go where? Ooooh... (to himself) Crap, I have that meeting today... Um... I got it! Ahem... Zelda, I'm going to go take a shower! 

ZELDA: But you've already taken 3 today!

LINK: Well... I'm going to go ahead and take another one.

ZELDA: How long are you going to take?

LINK: As long as the meeting takes... D'OH! I mean... until the meetings ends. (Sighs of relief) Nice save.

ZELDA: Link, you really need to go. Please volunteer to have the Thanksgiving dinner at our house this year. 

LINK: But why me?

ZELDA: Link, you are the man of the house! Every man from every family must participate.

LINK: Awww, I really don't want to go. (A shoulder angel appears on Link's right shoulder)

ANGEL: Link, go to the meeting. It'll be good, and it'll start your day with a warm, blissful happiness! 

(Shoulder Devil appears on Link's left shoulder)

DEVIL: Don't listen to him. Stay home and enjoy a pleasant beer... (All of a sudden, bullets are shot and knock the devil against the wall, and the camera turns to the angel who cocks his gun and aims it towards Link)

ANGEL: Get your lazy butt over to that meeting!

LINK: (hands in the air) I'm going, I'm going!

At the meeting... 

KAEPORA GAEBORA: Welcome, men. We will now start the census. To start off, if you're not here, say "I"... (silence) so everyone's here, good. Now, who would like to volunteer to hold the Thanksgiving dinner at their house?

(Everybody miserably raises their hands and moan)

LINK: You guys too?

KG: Alright then, we'll split the assignments evenly, but we'll have to choose the house to hold the dinner at. (10 seconds of boring assignments) Ok... I've decided to hold the dinner at Link's house (Link whispering in background: Score! Wait... Awwww) Everybody knows their food assignments. You're all dismissed.

LINK: That was it? I could've been home drinking a nice beer! (Shoulder angel shows up)

ANGEL: What'd you say?...

LINK: Oh... I mean, it's a good thing I came...hehehe.

(At Link's house) 

ZELDA: Did we make it?! DIDJA VOLUNTEER? Hunh? Didja didja didja didja?... Didja?!

LINK: (sighs) No...

ZELDA: Aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww...(5 seconds later)wwwwwww...

LINK: Hah! Just kidding! I just wanted you to stop saying didja. Better start cooking, ...cause everyone will be here in 30 minutes.

ZELDA: Yippee! ...WHAT?! (runs into kitchen)

(30 minutes later, Ganondorf, Nabooru, Skullkid, SK's Mom, Mido, Saria, and Malon are sitting at the table)

LINK: Hello, everyone... and Skullkid's mother... welcome.

SKULLKID's MOM: Skull kid, take off my shoes. Hello Link, we meet again. What food have you prepared for us tonight?

LINK: Oh you know... mashed potatoes, corn, rolls, salad, mashed potatoes, cheese, mashed potatoes...

SK: Liiiiiink...

(Link realizes that SK's Mom looks like a giant potato with arms and legs) 

LINK: Gulp... oh, I mean... beans... and, apricots, Mmmm mmmm... Hehe.

ZELDA: So... is the turkey ready?

LINK: What turkey? Oooohhh... you mean the turkey...about that, umm, well you see, Skull Kid, uh, volunteered to bring it. Yeah that's it! Skull Kid!

ZELDA: Link, stop lying. We have company... 

SKULLKID: No, no, he really did ask me. I mean... he asked... Rauru!

RAURU: (kicks the entry door open. THUD) I brought it! Haha! (holding a large metal platter with a gourmet dish) 

SKULLKID: Yay! (sniff) Ooooo, smells like turkey! That I um... ahem, asked you to bring, right?

RAURU: Turkey? Of course not! This is (as he removes the lid) one of the finest guppies in Hyrule's finest castle from the finest sage...finest! 

RUTO: (Bursts through the already bursted-through door) MINE! (snatches guppy, runs away while gobbling it up)

LINK: Ok... (everyone shudders)

RAURU: (sniff) My poor guppy! Why me?! 

LINK: If I had a nickel for every time someone has said "why me," why, I'd owe everyone 5 nickels.

ZELDA: We still don't have a turkey for the meal!

SKULLKID's MOM: Yeah, what's a Thanksgiving dinner without a turkey... and me?

RAURU: Oh that's right! Skullkid was saying something about a turkey, so I told Ganondorf something about a turkey.

(FLASHBACK) (Rauru and Ganondorf are standing in the middle of nowhere)

RAURU: ... Somethin' 'bout a turkey. (walks away)

GANONDORF: (watches him walk away... looks at camera confusedly, shrugs... walks away.) 

(FLASHBACK fading)

GANONDORF: I threatened...I mean, told Mido to bring the turkey.

MIDO: I _told_ you, for the first time, I don't have an oven!

SKULLKID: I'll solve this! (leaves)

(10 minutes later)

SKULLKID: (walks in, slams the "bird" on the table holding it by its tied legs) Ok guys, dig in! (breaks a leg off of the raw bird and starts wolfing down the piece)

MALON: What are you doing?! That's the last female Dodo!

ZELDA: Or is it? (eyes squinted, looking side to side and snickering evilly to herself))

MALON: Yes, it is... idiot...

SKULLKID: (with mouth full) Well, then we'd better make it last! (continues eating)

NABOORU: Skull Kid, don't talk with your mouth full. Doesn't your mom teach you any manners? (everyone looks at Skull Kid's mom)

SK's Mom: Well, you see, teaching someone manners like that requires an amount of responsibility that (scoff) I just don't have.

LINK: No offense, well, some offense maybe, but I'd hate to see your house... 

SKULLKID: What house? (SK's Mom elbows him really hard) 

SK's Mom: If you love me, then shut up!

SKULLKID: I'm sorry.

SARIA: Gosh, he's such a momma's boy.

SKULLKID: No, I'm not!

SK's Mom: Yes, you are.

SKULLKID: Yes Momma.

IMPA: Call me crazy, but I kinda feel left out for this meal... don't ya think?

(Everyone gives her an annoyed look. An unknown voice randomly coughs "crazy")

ZELDA: Whose mad idea was it to forget the turkey in the first place?! 

RAURU: I blame Kaepora Gaebora!

GANONDORF: It was KG! He's the one to blame for assigning us to supply the food and assuming someone would bring the turkey...

NABOORU: I merely suggest we create a rabble and assault him for his ignorance!

ALL: ...huh?

NABOORU: ...Let's get our revenge! (everyone else agrees: Yeah! Ganondorf whoop-ing, etc.)

SKULLKID: ...wait... huh?

(Cut scene to a tree, with a branch with KG sitting on it. There's an orange background. And some poorly drawn cartoonish kid in white walks up)

KID: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a jawbreaker that has 10 layers with different tastes and colors and has some sourness, and which I bought for 50 cents at the dollar store 5 miles down the block, make a left, a U-turn, and park at the handicap space?

KG: Well, let's see. (licks) A-One hoot... (licks) a-two hoot... a-(tries to bite it) HOLY CRAP! My beak! My poor, delicate, priceless, &$ beak! I'm suing you!

(All of a sudden, there is a doorbell ring from the other side of the tree trunk. KG pops his head through a hole)

KG: A-hoot-hoot-who is it?

LINK: (everyone standing behind Link. Everyone...s looking up at KG) Well, you see, at first, we prepared the dinner, then waited for someone to bring the turkey. We thought Skullkid was going to bring it, and he said Rauru was, then nobody appeared to have brought it, so Skullkid went and got the last female Dodo, and we started criticizing him for his manners and "momma's-boy-ness", and we blamed you because of the assignments, so here we are.

KG: Hmmm... Interesting story. You still haven't answered my question. A-hooo-hooo-who are you? 

LINK: Put it this way... (KG: put what what way? Ahoot hoot.) Never mind. We're an angry mob.

KG: So, why exactly are you here?

SKULLKID: We want our money!

KG: What money? 

ZELDA: Don't listen to Skullkid. You see, we just had to improvise and... (everyone pulls out pitchforks and torches) you get the picture.

KG: What picture?!

ALL: ... get 'em! 

KG: Noooooooooo! Oh, wait, I can fly! (flies away)

NABOORU: Now what do we do?

RAURU: Now, we wait...until next thanksgiving... This is getting boring.

GANONDORF: I agree. Let's go home. 

SKULLKID: Yeah.

SARIA: Wait a minute! KG wasn't at the dinner right? Maybe he was assigned to bring the turkey. (Everyone agrees)

KG: (flies back as out of nowhere) Actually, my ancestors never celebrated Thanksgiving with a turkey, but with eggplant and mice stew! I figured nobody would like it 'cause they never do, so I never brought it. Well, see ya! (Flies away again)

LINK: He's lying, owls don't have ancestors!

KG: (in the distance) Suckers!

LINK: Not so fast... (whips out 5 fire arrows to shoot at once, and launches a painful strike)

KG: Aaaaaaaaaah (lands in the forest with a thud. Feathers come out from the trees and fall gracefully)

GANONDORF: This Thanksgiving sucked!

SKULLKID: I would've much rather preferred cold cereal.

SK's Mom: Is that an insult, young man?

SKULLKID: Yes... yes it is.

ZELDA: So... What now? I'm not cooking a whole new dinner. This was the worst Thanksgiving ever.

NABOORU: Now, now, my friends, the important thing is, WE GOT OUR VENGEANCE! 

LINK: Yeah! Let's head on over to my house and party it up over poor KG's unfortunate experience.

RAURU: To Link's house! (ALL: YEAAAAAH!!!)

Meanwhile, in the forest...

GUARD #2: Dude, we've been looking for a Dodo all day.

GUARD #1: Well, it looks like we'll have to eat Thanksgiving dinner without meat.

KG: (A few yards away, lying on the ground, black and burnt, muttering to himself) Those no good humans, when I get my wings on them I'll...

GUARD #2: Dude, check it out!

GUARD #1: Excuse me Mr. Owl, but have you seen any birds of some kind, big enough to support a party of 20 guards?

GUARD #2: No, you idiot! We could use him! (Smacks #1's head)

KG: Um... hehe, wouldn't you rather prefer a sizzling stew of eggplant and mice? 

GUARD #2: Actually, we tried that already (#1: yeah, it wasn't pretty) Looks like your outta luck. Say your prayers...

KG: But I'm agnostic... hmph, we'll see who's out of luck! (tries to fly away, but fails due to the burnage) ... Oh crap.

GUARD #1: Mwuahahahaha! (KG in background: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

THE END


End file.
